Everybody has their 15 minutes

Goodness!  It’s been a WHILE since I last wrote.  Sufficed to say, I’ve been busy.  I hate that word.  “busy”.  It’s way over used.

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stop busy

Triple Crown Leadership <—– great piece on “being busy”

The word itself doesn’t even look like it’s spelled correctly.  Busy…..Bussy?  Bisy. Bisie, Bizy?  Anyway, I hate busy.  HOWEVER!  That being said…..I have been busy in a good way!

Right now I should be packing.  Why?  Oh maybe because we are moving in 2 days.  I am at the point where everything that can be packed is packed.  Everything else has to wait until the last few mad hours before we leave for good.  So I thought I would write……it may be another month before I get to again.  I can’t WAIT to be back into my normal routine.

I think I will start with probably one of the most exciting things to ever happen to me.

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There I am!  It’s finally out!  I didn’t think it would be out until today actually but much to my surprise it was early!!!  I was talking to my friend on the phone last week and she said “So, I saw your article in Women’s Health”.  I screamed “WHAT!?!?!?!?!”  I may have made her ear drums bleed.

“JEEEEEEREMY!!!!!  GO GET THE MAIL GO GET THE MAIL!!!!!”

“WHAT? WHY?  What’s wrong?

“MY ARTICLE!  CHERYL…..ITS HERE….MAIL!!!!!”

He makes a mad dash out the door.

And there it is!  Crazyness I tell you…..crazyness.  What an honor.  What a moment.  What validation.  Wow.  Jeremy went out and bought two additional copies at the store.  I am not ashamed to admit I will be laminating that bad boy, framing it and making it a focal point in my house.  Ok, maybe not a focal point, but it will be on the fridge, inside the pantry, folded in my purse, in my journals, and for sure framed in my office.  Not because I am trying to brag or show off, but as a reminder, when the days are dark and my mind tries to go back to the places I never want to return.

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One day I can show my clients, hey look at this….I UNDERSTAND!!!!  I can help, you can trust me, I have been there.

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So, here are some other things that have been going on…..

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Oh the blasted crane…..I finally did it!!!

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Valentines Day Happiness

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Cuddles with Cici.  When Aidan was learning to talk, he couldn’t say Trixie so he would say Cici.  That’s become her nickname…along with BRAT.

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Aidan’s 6 yr molars started coming in and his gums swelled up in the most alarming manner! Apparently it’s totally normal for that to happen.  Poor guy.  OUCH!

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Even though it’s been weeks since I have had a proper workout, except an occasional sporadic run, I have been getting plenty of physical activity in the form of packing and pushing boxes around…..so my foam roller and I have become BFF’s.  I am not sure what I ever did with out it.  Oh yeah…..I laid on the floor for an hour stretching and complaining…..

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I was fixing Aidan’s hair one morning and I see these two “bobbed” spots. He says bobbed instead of bald. I can’t bring myself to correct him. He also says thair instead of fair. Sometimes his cuteness is overwhelming.  Anyway, as a mother, my mind goes straight to “OMG what disease does he have?”   As I am looking at the spots he lets me know he doesn’t have some rare incurable disease, he just gave himself a little haircut.  Whew!!!!  Thank goodness!

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So as I was packing one evening I came across this little box of gems.  My past.  CRINGE! Look at those gallon zip locks of notes!!!!!  I didn’t read all of them but the ones I did read were awesome. They are priceless. Filled  with drama and silliness.  Lots of “oh my gosh…..I can’t believe I wrote that.” was said aloud.   I was a different person back then that’s for sure.

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The last few weeks I have been reading a book called May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein. Finding it was a bit serendipitous but I am convinced it’s also one of those things that I was meant to read.  I heard about it a while ago and thought, Hmmm….that looks interesting, I will have to check it out.  Then while browsing at B&N one day I walked right into it.  SIGN!!!!!!!   It’s a little on the hippy dippy side but it has REALLY opened my eyes to so many things I was blind to.  The first two weeks were are about overcoming fears.  I was able to discover some fears I have that I never realized were there.  Being able to identify them has been life-changing.  In one of the first chapters she says this about fear.  “Love did not create this.”

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That simple sentence has altered my entire world.  I wish I could expound on how and why but….yeah…..you know…..too personal.

Just the other day I read this little gem of a passage…..

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Yes, yes and more yes.  Many have misconceptions about this.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation or relationship.  Ex. I have forgiven the man who took Daniel from us,  but I am not going to go have coffee with him. Forgiveness means that you have let go of the hurt and bitterness that once poisoned your heart and mind.  You are free to love and live the life you were meant to live.

I highly recommend this book.  It’s so good!  Read it with an open mind and get out of it what you can.

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So then there is this little thing we did yesterday!

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WE CLOSED!!!!!  So excited!  We signed papers for AN HOUR!!!! But….honestly, it was quite fun!

I can’t wait to start a new chapter in our lives.  I will be sad to say goodbye to our first house together. Sad to say goodbye to our sweet neighbors.  It will be an adjustment getting to know the new house.  I have said several times this week “I am going to miss my stove and microwave.”  Little things like getting used to what light switch goes to what.  Learning how to use the sprinkler & alarm systems.  I anticipate hilarity to ensue concerning those! Especially if I am the one operating them!  But I am excited about being able to take the boys to the neighborhood pool and play ground all summer.  Sitting on my covered porch that has a ceiling fan on those HOT summer days.  Enjoying our fireplace on the cold and dreary ones.  Getting to know some new friends in the neighborhood.  There are walking trails & several ponds with water fountains throughout the neighborhood as well.  I can’t wait to explore those.

Hopefully it won’t be another month before I write again but until then……

Uncle Si

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Oh Uncle Si…..you’re the best.

Relatively Speaking

You know how when you go without something you appreciate it that much more when you get it back?  Going without sleep for so long when the boys were babies makes me appreciate it so much more now.  I appreciate my husband being home at night because he worked nights for so long.  I appreciate the abundance of healthy food that I have because I ate so poorly for so long.  I appreciate the health of my children after they have been ill.  I appreciate a shower that stays warm all the way til the end when the weather warms back up.  And now, I appreciate the complete peace and serenity I feel now that the hard part of selling/buying a house is behind us.  Actually packing and moving is going to be a cake walk, relatively speaking.  I am looking forward to having a “normal” life again.  No interruptions.  No making sure the house is spotless before I get on with the rest of my day.  No more having to be out of the house for hours at a time when all I want to do is sleep and watch T.V.  No more wondering if today’s appointment will be THE ONE.  Having to read on a daily basis why someone doesn’t like your home. No more circling the neighborhood when an appointment is going over their time, having to pee so bad you are willing to pull over and squat.  Did I just say that?  Yes I did.  I never ever ever could have imagined how difficult and stressful this process would be.  You know when you go to visit a new doctor and they have you fill out that form asking if you have experienced any of the following in the last year?

  • Divorce
  • Death in the family
  • Loss of Job
  • Serious Illness
  • a MOVE

Yeah, I get that now.

It’s a miracle and by the grace of GOD that Jeremy and I are still married.  No I am kidding, but seriously…..it IS by grace that Jeremy didn’t leave me!  On the contrary, we are closer than ever so I wouldn’t trade the last 4 months for anything in the world.

Good news first…..we got the house we wanted.  Praise God.  But not without a fight.

The house we wanted had been on the market for 280 days…..nothing wrong with it at all just priced a little high, market slow…..honestly, I believe it was saved for us.  After seeing it again last week and loving it, I said “We need to put an offer on this place immediately, like this minute…”  I knew it, I could feel it….someone else was going to offer soon…possibly even that moment.  Mike reassured us that there was no other offer on it but I just knew….. Our offer was low but we weren’t asking for closing costs and accepting it in “as is” condition.  There were a few minor things that need to be addressed, light bulbs out, nail pops exposed etc.. …..nothing we haven’t fixed on our current home. I felt comfortable with our offer.  We had some issues getting our paper work emailed back to Mike so he was going to come by our house late that evening after work to pick it up.  It was 7:30 pm, I was feeling down right anxious because I knew we needed to get that offer in ASAP.  Sure enough, sometimes I swear I am psychic, Mike calls.  “There is another offer.”  My heart sank and my stomach churned.  I may have teared up a little. There goes the sweet slumber I was hoping for.  Thankfully because we knew about the other offer and hadn’t turned ours in yet…..we had the upper hand in the matter and were able to change our offer last minute to a more competitive one.  Ultimately, we won the house!  HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND!  We are set to close March 11 and will be moving out the next few days after that!  What a great way to spend Spring Break!

The very last stress inducing event was our buyer’s inspection on Friday morning.  I started out the morning with a clogged potty.  Then the milk for my oats boiled over and burned in the stove. We opened up the back door to let the smoke air out and Rya the cat escaped.  On her little adventure outside she ate some grass which induced vomiting…..of course not on the tile but the carpet.  I said out loud with a smile and in a very friendly manner to who or whatever was causing the issues.….”Nothing can shut what the Father has oooooopeeeened!  Just so ya know!”  That fixed that.  I felt good leaving the house that day. Confident that no issue would arise.  We haven’t heard anything back about the inspection and Mike said when there is a problem, they address it immediately.  No news is good news.  We have the inspection on the new house Wednesday morning and  I am confident that will go smoothly as well.

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Aidan turned 6 on Saturday.

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We had a very low key event.  There is no denying that he is my child.  I asked him a month ago if he wanted to have a “Pump It Up” party and invite all his classmates and friends.  His response?

“Ooooooh noooooo way.  It’s too loud in there and the kids get super duper crazy. I just want you and me and Daddy and Luke and Rya and Early and Trixie at our house where its peaceful and quiet.”

What?  I didn’t think I could love this child anymore than I already did.

On Friday morning I asked him what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday.  His response?

“I don’t want a cake, I don’t want a party, I just want white donuts.”

Wow…..

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He does love him some chocolate chip cookies so I made him a giant one, and yes, I did pile a bunch of white donuts on the birthday platter and served it to him for breakfast.

I am so happy right now.  I can’t even explain it.  I am just over the moon.  I feel so light and full of excitement.  I can’t wait to start packing.  I can’t wait to start making our new house our own.  I am so happy to be thinking happy thoughts again instead of “Good God, when will this ever end?  Are you even there?  Have you forgotten us?”  Or worse trying not to think at all.

This week I will be getting back to my P90X.  I had to put it on hold while we dealt with life last week.  Each day I set aside the time for it and it just never got done.  I really tried to follow the diet at least but even threw that out the window this weekend.  It was too much.  But…..I am getting right back on that horse and galloping my way to being bikini ready!

Jamesvia

123 Days

The last 123 days have been some of the hardest days of my life and I wouldn’t change a single moment of any of them.

I have gone from bright eyed and full of hope and excitement!

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To questioning whether Jeremy and I were doing the right thing.

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To whether or not I deserved the abundance that God promises me in His word.

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To being angry at God, then having buried emotional baggage rear it’s ugly head at me.

Cries

To suddenly coming to the understanding that the trials I face make me stronger.

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To completely surrendering to God’s plan, not mine, for my life.

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To having a peace in my spirit that surpasses all understanding. Believing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am deserving of His abundance and trusting Him more than I ever have in my life.

Finally finally, in an interesting turn of events, we have accepted an amazing offer that was over and above what we ever expected. God is GOOD.

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One day last week I had a last minute showing request.  I almost didn’t accept it.  But…..I did anyway.  I drove down the street (without shoes on) and watched a man drive up to our house, walk around our property, go into the house, come out and leave.  What in the world?  Jeremy called Mike (our realtor) and asked if that was normal.  Apparently it is….so I was like ok whatevs……that night Mike called us with an offer from that man!!!  Turns out he was from an investment firm who buys houses and rents them out.  The offer was ok….better than the Lowballers (funny story about that another time).  So we started working on accepting the official offer and then went to look at houses the next day.  With this offer there were a lot of hoops we were going to have to jump through.  A lot of things that were on their terms. First, they weren’t going to give us time after closing to close on our own home.  Then they weren’t going to do any inspections, then they were…..

The morning we were going to meet with Mike to look at houses we got a showing request for that afternoon.  I sort of laughed it off.  I checked to see who it was, to see if it was a second showing or not, and I didn’t recognize the name.  I approved it but we didn’t take any extra measures to make the house show ready like we normally do.  I mean we cleaned like we normally do but not with OCD-like detail.

When we met Mike he said “Hey guys you know that showing you have today? They are going to make an offer.” Jeremy and I were so confused.  Say what?!  They had been to see the house before but had a different realtor. That’s why I didn’t recognize the name.  I am going to assume they weren’t happy with her, called the number on our for sale sign and were assigned one of the agents who works in Mike’s office.  When he spoke with their realtor he told her “It better be something significant because what they are entertaining now is real pretty.”  That afternoon after looking at 5 houses, only one of which we liked that was also way overpriced, we were feeling really nervous.  We were looking at having to be out of our house in a month & having to rent something!!!  Not what we had in mind.  …..The cash deal was making Jeremy and I feel very uncomfortable.   I told Jeremy that ultimately, this was our house to sell and it would be on our terms, not theirs.

Ever true to his word, Mike called us later that afternoon and told us he had sent the offer from the couple via e-mail.  Sadly, it wasn’t any better than the cash offer and we were a bit disappointed. Then  I remembered something I had just read about making offers.  “The buyer’s offer will be low and is only an invitation to start negotiations.”  I told Jeremy, “They don’t know what the other offer is. They had to start somewhere. Let’s counter.”  They had asked for closing costs so we accepted the offer minus the closing costs.  That would have us making 2,750 MORE than the cash offer.  It ended up being exactly what our asking price was.  There were so many things to consider.  I felt the need to devour a bag of Peanut M&M’s.  I told Jeremy that if it weren’t for the cash offer we wouldn’t think twice about this.  We would be stupid not to take the extra cash.  The worst thing that could happen is that it could all fall through and we would be back on the market.  And you know what?  So what.  We’ve been doing it this long, we can keep doing it.  We are not desperate, we have 5 or 6 other people out there who have loved our house and will be back.  Decision made.

That night I couldn’t go to sleep nor stay asleep.  We accepted the offer officially and now….WE HAVE THE BIG FAT RED PENDING BANNER!!!!!!

But wait, there is still the issue of not having a house to move into……

Since we started looking at houses 4 months ago, there has been one favorite that has remained.  The only problem was that the living room was set up in such a way that wouldn’t allow for our oversized furniture.  We have a HUGE living room and we filled it up with huge furniture and a gargantuan entertainment center that took Jeremy almost a year to build.  Out of the blue, I am convinced it was divine intervention, Jeremy said,  “Amanda…..our couch comes apart.”  “What?” “Yeah, LOOK!”  He unconnected it and we moved it apart.

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I couldn’t believe it!  With what I am sure were Puss N Boots eyes,  I said “JEREMY…..this changes everything!!!!”  So we got on the phone with Mike and got all the goods on the house.  We are going to look at it again tomorrow at 2!!!!!  YIPPEEEE!  I have this intense sense of urgency to put an offer on it because I can just feel other people’s eyes on MY HOUSE!!!!

But…..deep in my heart.  I know.  That.  It has been on the market all this time, if He has been saving it for us….He will continue to do so.  If not, then He will provide something else.  Even if we have to rent some little shack for a few months…..the trust is there.

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Accepting an offer on our part is only half the battle. We still have inspections to pass and our own offer and inspections to get through.   I remain confident that it will be easy sailing from this point forward.

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The Bully serves the Bullied

On one hand, given my past, it is making me very uncomfortable to have my appetite absolutely out of control the past few days. On the other hand, I know I need to put back on a few of the pounds I have lost over the last several weeks.  The rational side of me knows that my body is like “Ummmm hello?  Can we please eat now?”  But the former fat girl in me is completely freaking out.

Yesterday I felt like my appetite was returning back to normal.  Interested in food again but not constantly hungry.  That was until about 3:30.  At first I had a little snack

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Then a little bigger snack.

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This time I measured everything out so I wouldn’t over snack again and ruin dinner.

After this snack failed to satisfy me, I gave up.  On the bright side, the tortilla chips and hummus are gone and I wasn’t hungry anymore!  Annoyed

This morning I feel like my appetite is a little more normal.  I struggled to finish my oats,

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but I knew I needed to finish them so I wouldn’t be hungry an hour later.  I also wanted to be sure to get a good breakfast in because I am going to get out and enjoy this beautiful sunshine and “warmth” (only 40 degrees!) on a run.  I am planning on trying to increase my distance a little.  My legs and tush are super sore from Shred-It yesterday, so I am going to say it was a good workout, just light on the cardio.

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I have to share something that has been a such a huge help in our home recently.  As a mother of boys I have no shortage of carnage around here and apparently this is not uncommon.  I have found a site that has been such a source of comfort and encouragement for me. It has made me see that I am not alone in this work of raising boys.

The MOB Society

As a woman, I struggle to understand boys.  I don’t get the loud noises, the rough play, the fascination with Legos and video games.  The aversion to good personal hygiene.  The expression of affection by passing gas on each other, hitting & wrestling.  I can nurture them like a beast but when it comes to really understanding them…..not so much.  I feel so blessed to have two amazing boys who are really really wonderful.  They are smart, healthy and don’t have any behavior issues what-so-ever.

I refuse to accept the notion that “boys will be boys”.  No, I am raising my boys to be gentlemen, respectful men of God, ones who open doors and pay for dinner, ones who bring flowers for no reason, ones who are chivalrous, have manners, ones who will respect women and love them for the amazing creatures they are, ones who respect others, are kind and gentle in their ways, ones who put other’s needs before their own.

One of the issues we have is that the older brother likes to bully the younger brother.  It has been going on for what seems like forever & I have zero tolerance for it.  I can not stand rude & condescending comments.  Even though Aidan is just 5, I do not want him growing up feeling “less than”.  As parents we use our words to build up our children.  They get so much negativity thrown at them from the world.  We have the responsibility to do damage control and make sure they know how important they are regardless of what the world says.  So, I don’t need additional help from within! We have tried talking, reasoning, punishing, guilt,  none of it has worked.  It all came to a boiling point this last weekend.

Two weeks ago Aidan got a donut he didn’t like and threw it away.  Luke saved his so that he could have it for breakfast the next morning.  While Luke was eating his donut, he was adamant about being sure Aidan knew how much he was enjoying it.

“Hey Aidan, look, I’m eating my donut.”

Aidan really didn’t care.

“Mmmmmm this donut sure is good! Aidan…..MY donut is good!”

That pushed the “Crazy Mommy Button”.  After a looooooong lecture I had a brilliant idea!

“Luke, because of that rude behavior, you now get to SHARE your delicious donut with your little brother.”

Needless to say someone was not happy. <—–understatement.

I explained that a nice person would have had this thought pattern.

“I feel sad that Aidan got a crummy donut yesterday, I think I will share mine.”

The Bully Serves the Bullied

Last week I saw on the MOB Facebook page that bullying among brothers is not uncommon.  The way a lot of mothers handle it is by implementing a rule called “The Bully Serves the Bullied.”

Knowing how well the donut situation worked, I decided to try it in other areas.

Last Sunday Luke made fun of Aidan over a mistake he made on a video game that caused him to set his house on fire.

“You SET your house on FIRE!!! HAHAHAHAHA”

The next thing I knew Aidan was on top of Luke punching him, screaming and in tears!

I am laughing hysterically about it now but it was quite alarming to see my sweet and gentle Aidan completely flipping out!  Jeremy was having to hold him back from beating the mess out of Luke.  Aidan didn’t get in trouble because as I told Luke,

“It serves you right.  What do you expect from him?  You push him and push him and push him…..it was inevitable that one day he would push back.”

Now don’t get me wrong, we did talk to Aidan about hitting and controlling our anger but seriously…..the kid puts up with a lot….A LOT  from his older brother.

So…..since the “incident” Luke has had to tickle Aidan’s back twice, read him a book and pick out his clothes.  It has been difficult to get Luke to take it seriously and I have even had to take his iTouch away but I am seeing how it is going to make a difference.  He is learning and being humbled a little more each time he has been rude or disrespectful.   I am loving this new form of “discipline”.  Everyone wins!   Maybe one day he will quit picking on his baby brother all together.   One can only hope.

ALL women are real

Pardon me while I get something out of my system….

I am not by any means someone who takes offense to things, most things roll off my back…..<— not something that always came easy.  I feel the “politically correct” thing is completely overrated and taken way too far in many cases.  Now, there are some very legitimate things that should never be said.  Personally I am offended by excessive and unnecessary cursing but the truth is people are going to say things that are offensive, so don’t get your panties in a wad.  Take care in things you say, but, you can’t please every one all the time.

I wouldn’t say I am necessarily offended by this, however; it does get under my skin.

I am so tired of seeing “REAL WOMEN” _________.  Have curves, eat meat, watch football, hunt, are strong, are educated, lift weights, eat, and the list goes on and on……I know it’s done in fun most of the time.  But when I see stuff like that I just think about the women who have had breast cancer and have had their breasts removed, women who are undergoing chemotherapy and are thin as rails, women who are not strong because of some past hurt that they are dealing with, those women who never had a chance to go to college.  Some women have eating disorders, some women don’t have huge appetites.  The last time I checked I am very much a women and I couldn’t care less about football.  I didn’t eat meat for two years.  I am not a fan of lifting weights.  I would rather cut my finger off than camp or hunt or fish….ok that’s an exaggeration but you get my point.

ALL WOMEN ARE REAL.  Period.

Real womenvia

ok…..the end.

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My appetite seems to be back under control this morning!

I made a bowl of oats, obviously my favorite cold weather breakfast!

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This one was oats, almond milk, chia seeds, cinnamon, Ideal, 1/2 a small banana and 1 tbsp. peanut butter.  I ate the other half of the banana while it was cooling.

Well, I am off to get the daily disaster cleaned up.  The weather is snowy, wet, cold and just plain yuk…..I feel like Jillian and are going to have to have a date!

Just Put On Your Shoes & Go

I was a bottomless pit this morning!  I started out eating a couple handfuls of almonds while making the boys’ lunches.  I didn’t have time to make and eat my oatmeal before I had to get them to school so I thought I would eat those to tie me over.

When I got back I didn’t even take my shoes or coat off before making a bee-line for the kitchen to prep my oats.

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My usual oats with almond butter, Ideal brown sugar blend, chia seeds & cinnamon.  Even all that wasn’t enough.  I had more almonds and then about an hour later I had one of my homemade Larabars.  Finally, I was full and didn’t get hungry again until after 1 pm. I had planned on making a green smoothie for lunch but……

I had just gotten out of the shower and was about to dry my hair when I got a call for a showing at 2pm.  I almost declined it but knew I had plenty of time so I finished drying my hair, picked up the house quickly and drove down the street. Come to find out,  it was a second showing from one we had back in November.  I knew the agent’s  name was familiar.  Glad I didn’t decline!  Thankfully they were right on time and I was able to go back home at 2:15.

This evening we found ourselves in the car again waiting out two back to back showings.  I am not sure when this happened but I feel like I have finally let it go.  Really let it go.  This whole routine we do, getting the house ready, driving down the street, waiting it out, feels very, well, routine.  We’ve been doing it for so long that it’s just a part of our life now.  Almost like our home is some sort of local attraction.  I suppose it’s my mind’s way of coping.

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This morning after my feast had settled I decided it was time for my run.  I checked the weather and saw this……

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Oh dear…..that’s cold.

I stalled and stalled.  I tried to weasel out of it by telling myself I’d go when Jeremy got home.  I folded some laundry.  I kept thinking I would do a video but running is so much better for my headspace.

The annoying little voice in my head kept saying,

“Just put on your shoes and go.”

Over and Over.

So I did.  I also put on a head warmer, gloves and a jacket.  You know what?  It wasn’t all that bad!

love the runvia

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And I felt so much better after.

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I didn’t get to eat until after the boys got home and by then I was ravenous again so I snacked and snacked while I was making this for dinner…..

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Easy Parmesan Chicken

I over snacked on chips, salsa & hummus again…..so I wasn’t hungry by the time it was ready Thumbs down The boys loved it though!  Maybe I will have it tomorrow for lunch!

Tomorrow my goal is not only to eat better, but to eat something GREEN!

No Ray of Sunshine

I don’t know how to effectively express the frustration I feel over the selling of this house.  We have been SO close so many times.  Today we had two showings and one of them said they liked ours the best but are now considering building.  Will some one please stick a ^($*&%()#@#@$# fork in my eye now please?  I have had emotional break down after emotional break down, my stomach is in knots over the whole thing and I can’t sleep.  I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to throw in the towel.  We came VERY close last week after the people wrote a %(*^*&#()%^& offer but backed out last minute……I just feel we are so close and can’t give up now……Don't give upvia

So……give up I shall not…….

DarthTardervia

Maybe I will start asking Luke to use the force…..

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Dinner last night was REALLY good.

I picked up a frozen dinner at this little grocery store we like to go to called ALDI.

It’s really hit or miss there but they have a lot of natural foods and are super inexpensive because you bag your own groceries and have to use a quarter to get a basket.  When you return your basket, you get your quarter back.  It’s kind of fun.  What?  Hey….. I said I am a simple girl!

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I ate the frozen dinner with some Wheat Thins and some chipotle hummus.  Later I had a  “no sugar added” (whatever that means) fudge pop for dessert.

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All I wanted to do today was lay in bed, watch T.V., read, sleep, watch T.V., sleep.  But no, at 7:30 am I get a phone call from the showing company requesting approval for an appointment at 11am.  I am so thankful we have lots of showings, but on the real…..I am REALLY over it.  Instead of being a complete sloth today I got my house show ready, got myself ready and we left for a few hours in the cold and rain.  Later we got a request for 3-4 so we ended up staying out all afternoon.  We went to Toys R Us to exchange some duplicate gifts, The Children’s Place for some new jeans and then AIDAN got a treat for being so good.  I will choose not to speak about Luke today.  Let’s just say 11 yr. old boys (well MY 11 yr. old boy) would rather clean toilets than go shopping for clothes.  I try to get them things while I am out by myself,  but because he has grown about a foot in the last 4 months, I am not ever sure of his size.  He pretty much hates me at this point in the day.  It’s ok….I have the power to withhold an Itouch until I feel like giving it back.  Right now…..NEVER.  He is darn lucky that Jeremy is the single most patient man IN THE WORLD…..that’s not an exaggeration either.

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Anyway……

Like I said my stomach has been in knots so I haven’t been the best example of a highly nutritious eater as of late…..

Breakfast

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I got these for the boys but it’s the only thing that sounded good to me this morning.

Chobani Greek Yogurt bite in Raspberry with Dark Chocolate.  I added a serving of almonds.  It was superb!!!  I have been trying to avoid the Greek yogurts because they are so high in sugar but I love this smaller portion.   It was the perfect thing this morning.

I skipped lunch….don’t judge me…..but brought one of these for when my appetite returned later.

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I am queen of the bars lately! This one was REALLY good!  Like a brownie!

Odwalla  Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Bar

After our horrific afternoon I needed a pick me up…..

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A Starbucks Misto to make it all better.

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When I got home I got an itch to make homemade Lara Bars!

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I used the recipe from DAMY for the pecan pie Larabar. For the other, I am proud to say I made my own creation and it wasn’t a complete mess.

Using the measurement rules from her site I put together the following:

Peanut Butter Pecan Larabars

1/3 cup pitted chopped dates

1/2 cup chopped pecans

1 tbsp. natural peanut butter

1/2 tsp. vanilla

dash of cinnamon

dash of sea salt

Nutritional Info:

Makes 4 bars

170 calories; 13g carbs; 13g fat; 3g fibers; 10g sugars; 3 protein

I ate countless dates, almonds and pecans which was the best part of my experiment as well as tasting the end product.

I am about ready to call it a day.  After sleeping for about zero hours last night PLUS a nightmare…..I am exhausted. 

I thank the Lord for new days

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RunKeeper

There are two things in my life that made my day that much better.

The RunKeeper App on my iPhone keeping track of my run today,runkeepervia

and this waiting for me when I got back.

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He says he was just out front smoking a cigar but secretly I know he was timing me and watching for me to pass by at the end of our street on my route back.  Ya know being married to a cop really sucks sometimes.  Long hours, the worry and other things that only other cop wives understand.  He HATES when I go jog in the park or the even the neighborhood.  He is always saying he would LOVE for me to have one of these as my running partner and his “30”

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Someday.

He…hates when I am out after dark…..hates me being alone so much.  I don’t understand a lot of it….the why’s of all of it and honestly I don’t want to…..but I trust him, he is my protector….and I love that.

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So…..would you like some wine with your CHEESE?!?!?!  Haha! ….back to the RunKeeper.  Ok…..I am in-love.

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It completely speaks for itself.  I love that every 5 min the voice would come on and tell me EVERYTHING!  My time, distance, pace.  I don’t know how I ever ran without it! I can’t wait to take it to the park!  On another screen it showed my exact route.  It is so accurate that it showed when I left the side walk and was running in the road.  Loves, loves, loves!

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For breakfast this morning I had another bowl of oatmeal.  Pretty much the same as yesterday.

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  • 1/3 cup old fashioned oats
  • 2/3 cup unsweetened almond milk
  • 1 tbsp. Mara Natha almond butter
  • 1 tsp. chia seeds
  • 1 tsp. Ideal brown sugar blend
  • several shakes of cinnamon

After breakfast and cleaning the “daily disaster” we went grocery shopping.  I knew I wanted to get my run in as soon as we got back but I was also about to chew my arm off! So I picked this up and ate it on the way home.  It was the perfect pre-run snack today!

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Odwalla Blueberry Swirl Bar

VERY YUMMY!

A while after my run (I am not usually hungry afterwards) I had two servings of almonds, a serving of cheese and an apple.

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I am excited about this weekend!  Everyone is home, Jeremy is off on Sunday & I am volunteering in the nursery!  I REALLY need my baby fix!

The boys are out picking up their “Friday Night Pizza” and I am off to find something delicious and healthy for myself!

sports bravia

emphasis on the bra part! Winking smile

Darkest before the dawn

I had planned on doing another Dr. Oz 3 day detox cleanse after Christmas because it made me feel so great when I was done and I wanted to get the new year started right.  Well, then we got visited by the stomach bug and even though I didn’t get it, I was terrified I would and lost my appetite for a little over a week.  Not eating anything but crackers, bananas, and oatmeal for a week messed up my body.  When I got my appetite back all I wanted to eat, all that sounded good, were carbs and more carbs since that’s what I had been eating for a week.  Honestly, I allowed myself to eat whatever I was craving because, I had gotten down to 110lbs.  <—— not cute.  I haven’t been able to/wanted to work out since the boys have been home so that, coupled with the craptastic diet I have been eating has REALLY been affecting me.  I have been feeling a little edgy lately but I felt like I would start feeling better soon since things have been getting back to normal.  The boys will go back to school on Tuesday, we were supposed to be getting some good news yesterday <—– more on that later…everything was beginning to look bright again.

Then…..

Today in the middle of church I had a panic attack.  I had to get up and leave.  If you have ever had a panic attack you know the feeling of fight or flight.  I felt like I was in some sort of danger and needed to run for my life!   It’s really to most ODD sensation.  I hate it.  I was supposed to volunteer in Aidan’s class this morning but I had to get out of there.  It wasn’t until I got home that I started to calm down and realize what had just happened.  It hadn’t happened in so long, I forgot what it was.

That was a wake up call for me.  I have to get back on track with my normal healthy eating and exercise.  It is essentially vital for me.  If I want to finish this race, this time of trial and patience, I have to, have to, have to be on my A- Game.  The devil is prowling, just waiting for a weak moment to attack me.  This morning was one of them.  It had been a stressful morning as usual on top of everything else…….So…..I am doing the Dr. Oz 3 day cleanse again Mon/Tue/Wed to help get me back on track.

Eat Better Feel Better

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Today’s panic attack was no doubt also a product of the two anxiety ridden days before.

Friday we got word that a buyer was “VERY INTERESTED” in our house and had asked for a seller’s disclosure.  The statement from the buyer’s agent was “The earliest we can expect a write up would be Saturday.”  SAY WHAT?!?!  Praise God….Halleluiah!  On Saturday we had two showings.  One was a new person who came 15 min early. Thankfully was had JUST left and were driving down the street to see them drive up to the house, get out of the car, walk up to the door, walk back to the car and leave.  ????? Confused smile  Who knows…Well anyway, the second showing right after that was with the buyers who were “very interested”.  Ok, first of all, I was disappointed that instead of an offer from them, we had a second showing.  We never heard anything from them that day and we STILL have yet to hear anything.  Just the constant expectation that at any moment now,  we could have all of our prayers answered is incredibly nerve wracking…..<—understatement.

Meanwhile…..our “could be dream home” is sitting out there, free game, and I just feel like at any moment now I will get a notification…..PENDING.  I seriously need a valium right now.  But you know what?  Deep….WAY WAAAAAAY down deep, I know everything will work out perfectly and that takes the edge off, a little…..

Cries

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Even though today was no bueno, SATURDAY was quite lovely….minus being on the edge of insanity waiting for the good news we were teased with.

I went to Target (happy place) to let the boys pick out some toys with their Christmas gift cards.  I found a GREAT deal on some Starbucks coffee! It was the Christmas blend for 70% off!  Holla!

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I started the day off on the right note with some oatmeal, my vitamins and a big cup of water.

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Before we left I had a quick lunch because I was running out of time before our first showing.

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The banana was good but the bar…..not so much.  “Gross” pretty much would describe it.  I didn’t take a look at the list of chemicals on the back when I bought it…..so that was unpleasant to see AFTER I had choked it down…..”Man that was not good at all…” Turns over the wrapper…..sees list of 50 impossible to pronounce words….files it under “What was I thinking?”

When I got home that afternoon I was ravenous & I ate some almonds, some turkey, a cheese stick, some Fritos with hummus, after that I lost track…..by the end of the night I had a stomach ache from all the leftover Christmas candy I ate out of sheer stress and anxiety…..Not proud of that one bit….but….it is what it is.  Hence the detox starting tomorrow….

We are ending the day with Aidan running a 102 fever…..I am ready for this to be over, on the real!!….

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Sad

I am struggling today ya’ll.  I was good until I saw Aidan’s teacher.  I hugged her and then we both started crying as the feelings of helplessness arose once again.  I am trying with all my strength to NOT BE AFRAID.   Afraid for my own children who are innocently going about their day while I am spending every moment seeking comfort in Christmas music and constant prayer.  I didn’t realize today would be so hard.   I go through moments of peace and moments of sadness.  Needless to say I can’t wait to go get my babies today!!!!

It took a while to get an appetite worked up but I made a yummy lunch today!  I had an apple and a cheese stick with a piece of turkey wrapped around it….no picture, sorry….it was as I was trying to decide what I wanted…an apple is always a good way to start a meal.

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Carrots, hummus and sweet potato chips.  I had already eaten some before this picture but trust me there were more chips and carrots eaten!!!

Here’s your random silly photo for the day.

Mom: Take a picture with me

Luke: OK!

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I need to get some of my to-do list done but I am having a hard time getting motivated and moving forward.  Just thinking about the parents. Parents who won’t be able to give their babies their Christmas gifts that I am sure are already purchased and in a secret place. It paralyzes me.  I must though.  I must not live with a troubled heart.  Sometimes the very thing you don’t want to do is the thing that will make you feel better.  I must overcome evil with good.  Romans 12:21.  So I will go wrap my precious children’s gifts and maybe bake them some cookies.  I will pray for those parents who can’t and thank God for mine over and over and over.

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